I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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