I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize