onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
