I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
PANTIES FOUND
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