from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
