well I can't set my house on fire every night
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
