Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
