well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
