Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
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