So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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