I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
