I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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