Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize