Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
