Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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