Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
