oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
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