Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
