So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he shaved USA in his pubs
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
