i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
