ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
