I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
