I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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