We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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