Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
