her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
