I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
