i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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