i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
