Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
