I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
