he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
