she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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