He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize