I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
