wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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