He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
