one might say we're banned from that church
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Randomize
