i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Let's paint friendship bongs
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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