well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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