if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
