True but thats because hes a fetus.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
