There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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