There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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