Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
