The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Randomize
