It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
