mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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