the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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