i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
