I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
