I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sext me about skeletons
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