i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
