Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
We left the knife in your bed.
i've created a new STD.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
