was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize