Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
