she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
