Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
