my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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