Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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