the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
