i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Randomize
