I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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