but the lizard people decide everything anyway
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
