There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
