my shit smells like andre
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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