Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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