tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
