how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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