my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
