Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
