you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
