I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
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I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
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I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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