nut hugger
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
