We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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