There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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