Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
