so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
