I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
