you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
