Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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