Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
