Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
