Whod you bang
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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