She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
